2011: A Year to Remember?
As 2011 draws to a close we are left with many memorable moments from the year that was. From overly touchy Presidential Candidates to chemically altered actors, the too soon passing of an innovation icon to big city occupiers, our rear view mirror provides a glimpse of what transpired. Hopefully we learn from some of these years as we embark on what we hope to be an extraordinary 2012.
In no particular order, we bring you our moments to remember of 2011using television as a narration for the broader culture at large…
We often get asked if you need a high school diploma in order to be considered as potential talent for a reality show. One need only read this quote from the beloved Snooki to have the question answered…”Italy’s like that big country. Er, no, Europe is that big country. And then you have like Britain in there and England and Italy.”
Come to think of it, I wonder if high school diplomas are a prerequisite for running for the President of the United States? ”When they ask me, ‘Who is the president of Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan?’ I’m going to say, ‘You know, I don’t know. Do you know?’” — Then-presidential candidate Herman Cain in an interview by Christian Broadcasting Network on Oct. 7.
And who could forget the human quote machine Charlie Sheen! The toughest part was deciding which one to use but we decided on the following with ‘tiger’s blood’ coming in a close second: ”I am on a drug. It’s called ‘Charlie Sheen.’ It’s not available because if you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.” Some may question our manhood for not trying this so called narcotic but the idea of a melting face and exploded body is definitely not worth the high one could potentially realize from this biographic drug.
While there is not proof that he actually took the Charlie Sheen drug, the actions of former NY Representative Anthony Weiner certainly could lead one to believe there was more than sugar in his coffee. When presented with a purported photo of his junk that he allegedly sent to a female admirer, the former Congressman stated “I can’t say with certitude that it isn’t me.” We can limp on in perpetuity making Weiner jokes but the last thing we need is a former political hard baller getting testy with us. Okay, we are done now.
Other political powerhouses used their legislation powers to effectuate change rather than promote their sexual vitality. When Hurricane Irene roared up the Atlantic putting half of New Jersey under water, Governor Christie had his disaster plan ready for action. Responding to inquiries as to whether the state was prepared for the Situation at hand the Gov. gave insight into his true feelings about MTV’s ‘Jersey Shore.’
“Get the hell off the beach…you’ve maximized your tan.” Weeks later he vetoed a film credit bill for Seaside’s most infamous inhabitants in an attempt to thwart the constant GTLing. Rumors abound that this year the Governor has his sights set on beauty parlors with a proposed tax on acrylics and hairspray thus attempting to eliminate NJ’s television depiction.
Keeping with the theme of Governors, we were blown away by the true lie told by the muscle bound man once known as the ‘Austrian Oak.’ Apparently, the Governator — Arnold Schwarzenegger has been pumping more than iron as it was revealed that he had a mystery love child with one of his household staff – Mildred “Patty” Baena. The family housekeeper for 20 years became the family house-wrecker as an incensed, hurt and embarrassed Maria terminated their marriage to which Arnold replied ‘I’ll Be Back.’ By the looks of things we are eagerly anticipating a reboot of the ‘Conan’ franchise starring his out of wedlock spawn Joseph.
As we look through our rearview mirror we can learn from the mistakes made by others and make sure that we do not travel down the same roads. In a bit of irony we are going to quote Lindsay Lohan quoting Mahatma Ghandi as she did to begin her 2011. “Today is the first day of the rest of my life. The future depends on what we do in the present.” For your sakes, hopefully our 2012 does not end the same way that it did for Ms Lohan.
“Take hold of the future or the future will take hold of you” – Patrick Dixon
